October 2011
6 posts
4 tags
“Easy reading is damn hard writing.”
– Nathaniel Hawthorne
4 tags
Kiwi confab
Note: This was an actual conversation I had with a co-worker and his childhood friend.
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FADE IN:
EXT. RESIDENTIAL CONSTRUCTION SITE – DAY
A neighbourhood built from scratch, stuffed with new townhouses in various stages of completion.
INT. UNFINISHED GARAGE – DAY
DAVE (23), clad in coveralls and work boots, squats on a plastic crate. He rinses a paint brush in a pail of water.
...
3 tags
2 tags
“Writing comes more easily if you have something to say.”
– Sholem Asch
4 tags
F*xed up!
Note: This is an efficient amalgamation of several bad dates from my 20s, some of which were fix-ups. I really did end a date this way (Urban Well, circa 1999). Although in real life it happened as I was paying the bill. Her reaction was not much different than what I describe here. She was the first and last blonde I ever dated.
Yes, the scene is a little cliché. We are summing up my...
5 tags
September 2011
3 posts
2 tags
“I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.”
– Peter De Vries
5 tags
Caveat machina
FADE IN:
INT. OFFICE BREAK ROOM – DAY
Steam rises from a coffee mug labelled “T.G.I.M!” The mug belongs to Brenda (50), a slender, officious woman in a pencil skirt and cardigan. She drops an herbal tea bag into her boiled water.
DAVE (39) enters from the hallway, impeccably dressed in a dark suit but half asleep.
BRENDA: Good morning, sunshine!
Dave responds with half a smile and the slightest...
4 tags
August 2011
4 posts
3 tags
“If it sounds like writing, I rewrite it.”
– Elmore Leonard
4 tags
R & R & B & B & S & M
FADE IN:
EXT. BC FERRY – DAY
The massive ship plows across the Strait of Juan de Fuca beneath a clear blue sky. Passengers wander the viewing decks, awestruck by the epic beauty of BC’s coastline.
JENNIFER (22, circa 2001) stands at the stern of the ferry, calm and collected. She rests her forearms against a weathered railing and folds her hands together. The wind tosses her ponytail...
5 tags
4 tags
“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power...”
– Groucho Marx (via justbesplendid)
July 2011
11 posts
3 tags
“We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to.”
– Somerset Maugham
6 tags
Pulling a fast one
Note: This didn’t happen. I kinda wish it did, but it didn’t.
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FADE IN:
INT. MCDONALD’S RESTAURANT – DAY
A dozen employees swarm around the cramped steel kitchen. A female CASHIER (20) breaks free from crowd. She makes her way to the far end of the service counter and hands a takeout bag to an AUTO MECHANIC (50). He tugs the bag open and looks inside.
CASHIER:...
5 tags
4 tags
“Fiction is a lie, and good fiction is the truth inside the lie.”
– Stephen King
5 tags
Forgotten teaser
Note: The following is a work of fiction. I just discovered this sequence in the Notepad on my iPhone. The file’s date stamp tells me I wrote it 13 months ago, on June 23, 2010… yet I have no recollection of doing so.
Here it is in its entirety and exactly as I found it this evening.
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FADE IN:
EXT. FRONTIER HOMESTEAD – HIGH NOON
A GALLOPING HORSE slows and stops inches...
5 tags
4 tags
Okay, lesson learned
FADE IN:
INT. SUBURBAN CLASSROOM – DAY
Two dozen teenagers loiter about, talking in small groups—nothing unruly, just unsupervised.
The school bell rings as MR. FEHR (40) enters the room. He places a coffee mug on the corner of his desk and claps his hands.
MR. FEHR: Okay, geniuses. Take your seats. Let’s get started.
The conversation circles collapse as each student meanders...
6 tags
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“Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”
– E. L. Doctorow
3 tags
Tapped out
Note: this is one of those stories that’s true until a certain point. I’m sure that point will be self-evident to everyone.
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FADE IN:
INT. DAVE & JENNIFER’S APARTMENT – DAY
DAVE (38) paces back and forth through his kitchen, holding DAVE JUNIOR (3 months) against his chest. Junior cries over his dad’s shoulder. Dave pats him on the back and shushes in his...
2 tags
September 2010
3 posts
2 tags
“Writing a book is a horrible, exhausting struggle, like a long bout with some...”
– George Orwell
3 tags
You're wrong (by my estimation)
Note: the following is based on a real conversation that my co-worker abandoned. This is how I finished the scene in my head without her.
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FADE IN:
INT. CORPORATE OFFICE, CUBICLE – DAY
MONIQUE (30) sits at her desk. She points at the computer screen.
MONIQUE: …and this tells me the accrual isn’t firing properly. It’s off by...
4 tags
July 2010
1 post
1 tag
“Bad decisions make good stories.”
– Anonymous
June 2010
2 posts
5 tags
Again with the lamp
FADE IN:
INT. IKEA SHOWROOM, LIVING ROOMS – DAY
A crowded showroom, DAVE (32) and JENNIFER (27) stroll through the tastefully staged dioramas.
JENNIFER: What do you think of this?
Dave turns to see what she’s pointing at—a FLOOR LAMP with a wrinkled shade that reaches down to its base like a 5-foot-tall paper lantern.
DAVE: Yeah. I almost bought that lamp a year ago.
JENNIFER: Should we get...
3 tags
May 2010
4 posts
5 tags
Practice makes perfect? (Part 2)
Hint: Read Part 1 first
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FADE IN:
EXT. GM PLACE – EVENING
It’s a gorgeous Spring evening in Vancouver. The streets and sidewalks are empty.
INT. GM PLACE – SAME
Vancouver hockey fans fill the seats up to the rafters, a packed but quiet arena watches their Canucks take on the Chicago Blackhawks.
On the ice, the home team...
2 tags
5 tags
Practice makes perfect?
FADE IN:
EXT. MAPLE LEAF GARDENS – EVENING
Winter in Toronto, circa 1980, the streets and sidewalks are empty.
INT. MAPLE LEAF GARDENS – SAME
Toronto hockey fans fill the seats up to the rafters, a packed but quiet arena watches the Maple Leaf take on the Philadelphia Flyers.
On the ice, a lone MAPLE LEAF DEFENSEMAN trips and falls backwards, across his own blue line. Two Philadelphia forwards...
2 tags
April 2010
3 posts
1 tag
“I’d much rather be happy than right any day.”
– Slartibartfast, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy (1979)
4 tags
Clearing the air
FADE IN:
INT. ELEVATOR – DAY
The doors open. DAVE (22) enters the empty elevator lugging a hamper of neatly folded laundry. He selects the 15th floor and moves to the opposite corner.
A TALL MAN (23) steps aboard, a backpack slung over one shoulder. The Tall Man presses the 11th floor button.
The elevator doors close. Above the keypad, the LED display reports their progress: M, 2, 3, 4…
The...
2 tags
March 2010
7 posts
4 tags
Gimme an 'R'
FADE IN:
INT. SEDGEWICK LIBRARY, UBC – MIDDAY
Lunchtime attracts a throng of students to the underground foyer. Hundreds swarm the open vestibule.
On the floor and against a wall sit DAVE (19), ADRIAN (19) and DOUG (19). The three friends unwrap their sandwiches.
DAVE: I think I did alright. I answered all the questions. How did you do?
No response. Dave looks past Adrian only to see the back of...
1 tag
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“Anyone can negatively criticize. It is the cheapest of all comment because it...”
– Chuck Jones
4 tags
Worst. Wingman. Ever.
FADE IN:
INT. SUBURBAN HOUSE – NIGHT
A house party packed with teenagers. The sum total of conversation drowns out the background music.
DAVE (16) stands in the middle of the kitchen beside his brother’s friend, GRAHAM (19). Together they schmooze two young ladies, NATALIE (19) and TIFFANY (18). The four of them burst into simultaneous laughter.
NATALIE: Too funny, too funny. (beat) So, who...
4 tags
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Shedding some light
FADE IN:
EXT. SUBURBAN APARTMENT BUILDING - DAWN
DAVE (28) drives his battered hatchback across the parking lot, stopping at the entrance to the street. He looks left, right, then a double-take back to his left.
Beside his car, on a small patch of grass, looms a tall WOODEN FLOOR LAMP. Dave scans the area again—no other people, cars or household furniture. Just him and this 6-foot lamp at...
3 tags
February 2010
5 posts
3 tags
After the *bleep*
FADE IN:
INT. DAVE & JENNIFER’S APARTMENT - EVENING
DAVE (33) and JENNIFER (27) sit side by side on the sofa. Dave slouches, riveted by what’s on TV. Jennifer sits cross-legged, studying the textbook in her lap. Neither blinks. Neither says a word.
At the edge of the coffee table a cell phone chirps and flashes. Dave doesn’t react. Jennifer looks up, annoyed.
Jennifer sighs and leans forward,...
3 tags
2 tags
“The only true measure of success is happiness. Regardless of your net worth, if...”
– David Allen
4 tags
Comedy: it's in my blood
FADE IN:
INT. UBC STUDENT UNION BUILDING - DAY
The Red Cross lays siege to the main concourse with two dozen evenly spaced gurneys.
On a bed in the foreground sits DAVE (20), ready to donate blood. He hands a clipboard to a dour NURSE (40). She reviews his answers to their questionnaire.
NURSE: Alright, Mr Allen. Have you ever donated before?
DAVE: No, ma’am.
NURSE: Overall, you’re in good health?...
3 tags
November 2009
1 post
1 tag
“Writing is the perfection of thought.”
– David Allen